Being a Creative Meaning Maker.

Opportunities for vulnerability are everywhere— like me sharing this photo someone took of me as I tried to turn from their camera. This is what it’s like to share art yet still cringe when someone looks at it.

It’s hard, but so beautiful and worth it.

I am a full-time artist. My college degree says I am a biologist. My past resume says I  am a forest/river ranger, outdoor science educator, teacher, farmer, and customer service worker. My hobbies show that I am passionate about trail running, moving my body through yoga/weights/swimming/biking/Nordic skiing, gardening, raising chickens, sewing, camping, reading, painting and creating, and listening to/watching True Crime. My heart says I’m… complicated, to say the least. Finding your identity and what we call “voice” in art can be really hard, though artists like to act like we’re free from modern terms and constructs (we’re not, we just pretend we don’t care haha!).

So, how am I to forge my own path as a small business owner and artist when my past careers and heart have ZERO experience with business? I have floated along with the buoyancy of my good friends and family who have given me so much help, connections, advice, and encouragement. And, with their love (sometimes tough love haha…) I have been able to find footing in this river of starting your own business. It’s unsteady at times (hello all the times I have totally ghosted social media and my paint brushes), but I’m learning to be gentle with myself. Keep expectations low, but your dreams high in the clouds. 

Now, I’m slowly chipping away at business ideas, tasks, creating, and sourcing to sell my physical art and creations. Not to name any price amounts (you put in a LOT more money than you make in the first few years of a business), but I got close to breaking even last year of the two years I’ve been running Abi Jane Creative (AJC). My husband congratulated me and encouraged me to work even harder to make more than I spent this year. I agree with him— that’s my goal. For my business to THRIVE. I mean, who doesn’t want that? I agree with him and work away at that goal and yet, I sometimes struggle to actually make my dream a reality. 

I fluctuate between beating myself up for my lack of drive and focus (insert ADHD and working out of your home and it’s DISTRACTION central) and gently encouraging myself by looking at how far I’ve come. Between these two coping mechanisms, I have recently started to feel my mind wonder: “Why am I struggling to commit all my strength, energy, time, and talent into AJC?” And, I think I’m starting to see that the answer to that question is about being a creative and big meaning maker. 

Artists are meaning makers. We create visual, audio, and physical experiences from our crafts. We show our hearts, ideas, past, dreams, and sorrows in every brushstroke, color choice, word, and collection. Even if a painting is an obviously a mountain landscape, there is vulnerability in every line, layered under paint. Art, creative work, or writing is revealing. You feel exposed and naked letting others into your world. In today’s creative small business world, though, we’re pressed for time to push art out for the social media algorithm to hopefully catch a post and send it to screens of millions of people around the world (I mean, it’s a pretty cool and wild time we live in, now!) to hit like and accumulate hundreds and thousands of followers. I’ve tried and tried for this to happen to me. It feels exciting every time you publish something out there— will THIS be the post/reel/story? Will I wake up tomorrow and I’ve blown up on social media?? 

But, this takes some of the meaning out of the making for me (what a weird time we live in, now…). Selling prints of my art at craft shows and seeing the faces and hands that are buying my products means more than I can explain. But, there’s also a LOT of people who look at your work and walk by— or don’t even look at all. You have to learn to ignore those folks. They don’t mean any offense to you, they’re just not YOUR customer. You lose track of how many people passed you by when you look at your purchase history at the end of the day. On social media, however, you’re reduced to some insightful and condemning logistics. The number of likes, views, plays, shares, saves, etc. of people interactive with— or not— your art (which is really your heART). To reduce your emotions you painted and photographed/recorded to show on social media and get stats back like your bloodwork levels from the doctor feels… clinical. 

I’m not writing to complain about social media, though. It IS a great tool for business— as long as you can keep your personal life and feelings safe from the masses. My realization about all of this is the following: for me to personally THRIVE working on my small business of creating visual art to show the world a piece of my heart, I have to THINK creatively and critically about what I make, as well. So, the outlet of my website's blog is how I will utilize this idea. Here, I want to let you in on my heartfelt inspirations and revelations while I paint. That’s really where the magic happens for me— when I’m zoned in jamming to music and a painting is flowing from my brush and I birth a dream and a painting in my head and through my hands. I think it makes sense to share these thoughts along with my art. It helps me feel my most authentic self and makes life, work, and art feel more meaningful beyond selling a canvas, patch, hat, or a piece of paper.

THANK YOU for being here. It truly means the world to me! I hope my words will inspire you, make you feel like you are not alone, and encourage you to try the things that scare you, and be authentically you.

As filmmaker, author, and Olympian Alexi Pappas writes:

“Headed to the moon, not now, but soon.”

Stay wild, friends.

XOXO